Hollywood has made some wildly popular Christmas films that we all hold
in a fond nostalgic light. Namely: "Miracle on 34th Street", "A
Christmas Story", "Scrooged" and of course the fine Arnold Schwarzenegger
film "Jingle All the Way"! Now we can all rejoice! For the Holy Grail
of Christmas movies has been given to us! "Bad Santa" is the greatest
cinematic holiday cheer ever produced! We have an ensemble cast to
thank including the fantastic Billy Bob Thornton as Santa, Tony Cox as the
black midget(well I guess that is just what he is)I mean Tony Cox as
the black midget elf, the late John Ritter as a mall manager, Bernie Mac
as a chain smoking plain clothes security guard and the most compelling
child newcomer since Jonathan Lipnicki in "Jerry Maguire", Brett Kelly
as Thurmond the weird fat kid! Director Terry Zwigoff takes this
ubertalented cast and creates a true modern day masterpiece! First things
first: This heart warming story will inspire festive cheer! Santa and
his elf work work at shopping malls so that they can get access to the
booty after store hours and rob them blind. That is it! Simply genius!
No frilly shenanigans, no uppity pretention, no damn pseudoprofundity,
just good old fashioned yule tide venom! This movie is foul! This
movie is irreverant and ornery! This movie is blasphemous, mysoginistic,
tyrannical, cynical and just fucking dirty! Word to the wise: if you
are a recovering alcoholic, bring a bottle of your favorite booze cause
your falling off the wagon before this movie's credits roll. "Bad
Santa" is that good! John Ritter does his best work since the 1980 classic
"Hero at Large"! John, we will miss you buddy! Tony Cox plays a
grumpy midget so damn well that you will want to adopt a grumpy midget!
Billy Bob is just fucking super as a drunk pissed-off Santa who hates
kids! Who the fuck can blame him? Bernie Mac sucks but he usually does,
so no suprises there! I must say that I expected the aforementioned
talent to perform at or above the level that we've become accustomed to
and I was not disappointed, however, let me tell you that Brett Kelly as
the peculiar, snotty nosed, obese, nerve grating kid is worth the
fucking price of admission alone! This fucking kid rocks! "Bad Santa"
takes the classic storytelling themes of deception and redemption, cops and
robbers, love and hate, irony and sincerity and rolls this epic film
with humor, violence, romance and sensitivity into a big burrito.
Actually into one big fucking tostada! "Bad Santa" has received severe
criticsm for it's overt honesty from the mainstream media, but I ask this
"How can a movie be wrong when it is so right?" (Pat Connor)
Rating: A naked Selma Hayek
This would of course be a naked Eva Mendez were it not for the total
fucking lack of any fucking titty anywhere on the fucking screen
throughout the fucking entireity of the motherfucking movie!